Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Dealing with the mom guilt

This past weekend, my mom took Callum up north to visit Matt's parents. When the plans were made for this about a month ago, Matt and I were thrilled. A weekend without any kids! Sleeping in! No schedule! Eating out whenever we wanted to! Count us in. Way in.

As the time for his departure grew closer and closer, I started to second guess how great a weekend without Callum would be. I was worried he was going to miss us too much, and that I was going to miss him. Was it really fair of me to have a fun weekend with out him?

Then the day arrived. I was not excited at all. I wouldn't have been upset if they decided to cancel the whole trip, then my baby could stay home and snuggle with me all weekend. But, off they drove as I was almost in tears. Why wasn't I excited? I now had complete freedom, and could do whatever I wanted. Not what some toddler wanted me to do.

Why did I feel so guilty about it?

Before becoming a mother, I had no idea the amount of guilt moms feel on a daily basis. Whether I'm sending him away for the weekend, putting him in front of the television so I can take a shower, or forgetting to schedule his next doctor's visit, I end up feeling guilty about a decision I made.

It's so hard not to feel like there's always something I could be doing better. Enough is never enough. Throw in today's world of everyone posting their perfect little lives on every single social channel, and it can be impossible to feel adequate.

I know I'm not a bad mother. I love my son like nothing else in the world. I am there for his every need, almost every day and night. I feed him his vegetables and limit his screen time. So, why can it be so hard to convince myself that I'm doing a good job?

That day as my mom drove off with my son, I decided I would do my best to no longer feel bad about the mistakes I make as a mom. Because for every minuscule mistake I make, there are a million ways I am kicking this whole parenting thing in the butt.

So, last weekend, Matt and I soaked up every single kid-free minute. We went out to eat for almost every meal, slept in, and completed a few projects around the house. The time together was just what we needed. And, although I missed Callum like crazy, I was able to enjoy the weekend guilt-free.

I don't think there will ever be a time where I no longer experience mom guilt. But, I can do my best to remind myself that, as a mom, I am doing a job that is far to be ashamed of.

1 comment:

  1. You are a great mother! Thank you for sharing your heart and keeping it real.

    xo Keila